paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
