Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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