They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
