I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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