You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
