Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
