are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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