omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
