Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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