respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
