I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
