i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
