Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
