Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
bring money and cleavage
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The Olympian is in my bed
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