you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
