It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Boobs speak an international language.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
