I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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