Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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