i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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