if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize