Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
