mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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