one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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