What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
