Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
