She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize