There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
