Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize