hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just pee around me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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