I faked an abortion last night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
