I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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