Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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