I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
