Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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