Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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