Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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