evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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