The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
