He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
