Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
id be glad to
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she told me i tasted like america
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
