you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was like getting head from an anaconda
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
