I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
