Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
