I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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