Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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