Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
