Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
