remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize