i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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