Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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