Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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