We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
