I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
