my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
