Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
