Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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