Got a toothbrush?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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