dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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