Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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