hotel room ftw
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
