I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
