..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
