I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
