hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
