i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
