is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
