I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
