well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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