she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
