dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
