she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
