I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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