she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
