Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
