mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
