The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
